I wish I could write what I think, then and then. This act of raising my head, getting up and taking out a copy and a pen from my bag, brings tears to my eyes.
Sitting here alone, it is strange. I do..
I do not blink my parched eyes. I’ve been alone since 1:45pm.
No I am not lonely ,I am alone. Is it the book?’Auschwitz’ and ‘Craccow’ that unsettle me? or the thought of what will happen at 5pm and what will happen after that time?
Is it tiring? my eyes, my head, it does want sleep. It wanted to go home with the friends. It wanted so much and wants so much more.
Can I differentiate between the want and the need.
It is 3:43pm, I turn my head to see, to find a face, it would be uncomfortable answering their questions of what I’m still doing here? But, I want that, I want to see someone who will ask. I want to answer their questions. Feel proud of this stupid behaviour.
‘Stupid’ I do wish I had a better word to replace it but then a blunt person would say that it is plain stupid. Though I would never agree.
There’s a smell of something rotting in the classroom.I could sense it’s sharp presence the moment I entered. But I just can’t get myself to move, I feel like someone will judge me, think me crazy.
This room was my second landing space, the first room which I preferred had to be sweeped. The end of the day sweeping routine. I thought they were going to lock it and order me to leave since the classes were over.
Sigh! maybe that would have thrown me at the edge and I would finally give up. My eyes do keep shutting down.The book closed, I check, recheck. I recheck only because I have forgotten what I had checked in the first place. Ageing mind of a twenty year old!
It’s past 4 now. Must get up and start walking towards the gate.
Of course, we shall make the usual stops in the middle, in between this room and the gate.