Why do men rape? I don’t know and I don’t care

Two women were kidnapped today. Today being the 24th of December. (The day I started writing  this angry article.)
An auto driver saved them. Yes, the news channels called it an attempt to rape.
It would have been rape.
And the second the news would have reached the newspapers, the men and women of Delhi’s households would have said
‘Why did they have to take a lift, should have taken the metro or called a man from their house’ because that is what every girl in Delhi is taught to do ‘Call your dad, he’ll pick you up’
Seriously what is your problem, instead of shutting me inside my house and putting curfews and transport restrictions. Can’t you tell the rapist to stay inside his house. Why aren’t you curtailing his freedom? Why aren’t mothers of aggressive and delinquent sons warning their dear children about violence against woman.

The anger throws out words like rubble on the ground, words filled with anger cannot be communicated, they are often rejected.
So when people shout, hold placards and come out on the streets. It seems like a strange spectacle. How about a placard tied to your bag as you get on the metro or the bus.
No crowd of people shouting. Just you and many others like you.

So let’s talk, talk with reason. For anger and chaos subsides after a while.
What is left is me and the spaces around me?
If more women took the bus and metro with me at night, walked on the road at night, I would have felt safer.
I do, each time I see another women inside the DTC bus at 10 pm. But their population is fast reducing, taking the public transport at night is not a choice.
Only women who can’t afford a cab fare would take it.
The more men rape, the less I see this elusive creature at night.

I hate to say it, but I know for sure that my friends, my family and other people around me would give me at least half the blame, if I was raped while taking the public transport at night or walking home alone at night.
No one is going to guilt trip the man who rapes me? Maybe the same amount as they will guilt trip me.
Do you think that’s logical, is that even healthy?

I am starting to get really annoyed now. It’s getting on my nerves. I think I hate men. Why aren’t men standing up and educating their kind. Wait, did I sound racist, I mean sexist.
Well, what the heck. Why be so polite when you live in a city that proliferates with Maa- Behen gi gaali.
I have been asked, no; commanded to take precautions, get home before 9, don’t go to that place(it’s shady), take your brother along and other things alike.

Bull Shit. I live in a civilized society and the plague isn’t out to kill me.
I will not be cautious, I have had enough of this bullshit.

Men, women everyone has gotten so used to forgetting the man who abuses, who violates or whatever the heck he does. A rude son, an aggressive husband who shouts when there isn’t satisfactory amount of food on the table or goes ahead and slaps his wife. The most common aspects of our life are fraught with an acceptance of violence.
In our graciously democratic country ‘marital Rape’ is not even considered rape.  Are we so sure, that the culprits are all outside the walls of our homes.?
We always put all the responsibility on the woman. It is not just rape, all crimes involving a woman are seen with a tinted glass.
When Jessica Lal was murdered, a lot of people hesitated to support her, they paused for a long while, before reason kicked in and they could point their first finger at the culprit.
You know what stopped them, ‘She was at a  bar, serving drinks’ How many people said ‘He was at a bar, drunk and wielding a gun’

The idea that you are a woman bartender first and a human being later is just repulsive. Why do we hesitate to tell to our sons’ Respect women’ but torment and scare our daughters everyday with the sacred words ‘ Be cautious, rape is on the rise’ ‘Be careful, come back home early’ etcetera etcetera Yaba da doo.
Why can we not openly ask the society, why do men Rape. Why are we hushing our daughters, scaring them, teaching them to be afraid, ingraining in them insecurity and lack of confidence, only on the basis of – You are a girl.

I don’t think I can take this any longer. I’ve sometimes got very angry with my father for his concern and told him ‘You shouldn’t have given birth to a girl’ I can’t help it. I hate being stifled. It is not in my nature and my nature comes before my gender/sex.

One woman lies about rape somewhere, two women file a false complain of dowry, a young girl wrongfully shouts at a boy thinking he was touching her inappropriately.All hell breaks loose, and we call every women a liar, all the women on Facebook are apologizing. Ashamed is what they feel.
Now every girl who files a complaint a few days after being raped is a liar. I hate those women who have taken advantage of these laws. I hate them for they have undermined thousands of girls who have braved to fight their perpetrators.
Rape is a dirty word, you have to die to be remembered, respected and fought for and sometimes ( if you live in West Bengal) even then, The CM of your state will say it was self immolation.

A man touched my body inappropriately today, I felt ashamed, uncomfortable and scared and then assumed that it was an accident.

Kapil Sibal jests that we shouldn’t employ female employers.
All the hard work against violence on women goes down the drain, and all those leering, patriarchal, misogynistic men celebrate.
For this is another excuse. Women lie, men never rape.

I am not justifying women who lie about rape, or use their gender to exploit someone.
But, hello, ever heard any man on Facebook apologising for Men raping.
But seriously, all these women crying out about a woman lying (Allegedly, not yet proved) and the man committing suicide.(I do not approve of suicide, it is selfish and cowardly)

Women are so apologetic, because they know this will demerit every true case.

Hate to point it out, but as you have noticed, Men rape, mostly always. Rapes during a riot, rape at night, rape in a room. Why are we apologising for a bad human being. Men never apologize for other men raping women.
Men and women both always ask ‘Why did the girl take a lift, why did she go out so late, why was she out alone, why was she with a boy, why was she drinking etcetera etcetera. As if to say It is natural for a man to rape, women should take the initiative and be cautious.

But people rarely ask ‘Why did the man rape?’

I would never approve if a woman raped a man or a man raped a man, or a woman raped a woman. You get the point, sex is beautiful when it is consensual. Don’t make it ugly.
You know what my real problem is; Fear. Living in fear, walking in fear, travelling in fear.
I like walking at night, why do you have to make it ugly for me?
I’m almost guilt tripping if I’m out late with friends.  Late, this word is funny, defined by our parents. As if sexual abuse is dictated by time.
My dear men, open your eyes really wide, get out of your comfortable shoes. Sexual abuse,  verbal or physical is very common. So instead of telling your sisters, wife or  classmate to be cautious at night, why don’t you go to some of your own kind and give them some reason.

Now, a sensible man will stop me in my illogical ranting and tell me that it is not man who rapes, but the individual and hence rape should not always be looked on as a gender crime. He has  a point, all men aren’t rapists.
But then why my dear friend, are all women considered prospective rape victims??

Men and women in our society use this above statement as the best excuse to stop us from doing everything and anything.

So, back to the title, why does he rape? I don’t know and don’t care. Just give me some peace, I’ve had enough of this ‘better be careful than sorry’
After yesterday’s rape of the 51 year old Danish women, there will be much more advice coming from your family and strangers alike.
My reply to them.
Bullshit.
If you still say ‘It’s Common sense dear, don’t go out alone at night and then you’ll be safe.’
Bullshit to you my dear.

So no more articles about rape, no more justifying my freedom. Next time, I want to take a walk at night even if it is not an emergency to the chemist, No, I’m not going to take my dad along or c guilt trip myself. I’ll just talk a walk, if you got a problem, well, screw you!
Pun intended.

A good read http://www.fineandfairblog.com/2012/01/rape-prevention-refreshing-approach.html

Chameleon 4

Why is freedom so hard to get. Can I not be equal to you.

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