No, soul- mate

First
On the fourth day of October
he tells you that you’re the perfect girl.

And he’s just met you.
A few days weeks hence, he thinks you’re the  forever kind of  girl

He doesn’t say forever
He says future
You know the differences
You don’t feel it yet
Too early
For so much love

He sees the discomfort in your eyes
And feels hurt
You can’t tell him that it’s too soon
You wallow in guilt
And decide to feel what he is feeling

A few more days and he no more thinks you’re perfect
But at the same time he knows all the things that will make you look just perfect

Just a few colours painted here, a few defective things fixed and some slight stitches and you’ll be the  designer eye’s perfect little doll

Now you wonder if that’s where it will stop and

And

You wonder why it even  matters so much.
A Day later you’re sure he’s not for you
A day later you decide to try harder
And while the previous day is passing you by, you tell yourself that he’s just trying to make you a better person

Just that.

Now you’re being too defensive
Too many walls and the past stuck to your forehead.

It’s been a few weeks now, you tried to paint and stitch somethings.
But

Now
he no more thinks you’re perfect from inside.
He thinks you’re too needy
Like a dog
He wanted a cat
Purrs when he wants you to and mostly nonchalant otherwise

Too much love he says, too much clingy virus infliction

I can only meet you once a week.
He gets excited with that idea, sounds perfectly calculated.
We’ll think of each other after waking up for ten mins and before going to sleep for ten mins.
One day of the week we will.chill together and one night we will sleep next to each other.
Just sleep and maybe more if you’re not being too clingy.

All perfectly organised calculations.
Just perfect

What’s next ?
Uh oh

She’s being too dark and depressing, now!
Making him feel like a monster!
He’s just a normal man whose confused
What’s so cruel about that ?
I’m an ordinary man, be my wife, he suddenly says after two months

You’re the same class, cast and emotion as me.
Yeah you are maybe a bit too intense  but you’ll grow out of it
After all, there are three things by which we choose our life patterns
Life patterns!

Financial, physical and emotional

But
Isn’t there the soul mate.
Where is he ?
The love that sets you free, that doesn’t have these walls and rules that doesn’t think wanting to spend time and feel loved is an abomination.
Where there is nothing called too much love and you look at me like the way I look at you.

This post is making me feel slightly sick

Like you are the universe, beautiful and never ending.
Pure and still evil.
Calm and still in constant chaotic evolution.
Too much ?

Isn’t there a soul mate ?
No, they all say.

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